Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
