Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
