oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
