So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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