Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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