He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize