I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
