im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
