Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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