Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize