I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
