im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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