pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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