my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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