you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
