Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
