Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
