Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
