I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
