I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
