Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The feeling are messing with the penis
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize