He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
