if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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