I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
