my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The power of my boobs compel you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
