Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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