The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
