Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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