I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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