do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
