My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
