The best revenge is premature balding
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
