Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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