We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
