I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
