Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
