From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
