Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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