He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
