I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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