I wish i was in the wii world.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
