you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dick very happy bro
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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