So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
