just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
