we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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