Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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