This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize