You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
