It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Everclear isn't food dammit
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
