I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
