didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
