My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize