I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
