We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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