On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
