i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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