I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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