I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
sex in a hospital.. check
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
