you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
