in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
