i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
