It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That's how pantless uber rides happen
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
