Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
this just has baby written all over it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize