i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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