mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
