but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
