I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
