he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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