Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
