what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
