I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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