drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize