Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
