dude i'm inner monologue high
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
