There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
