well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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