idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
