Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
