i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize