I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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