im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
