I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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