It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
