Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
