you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
