i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I deserve this hangover.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
