just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
