I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
