she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
