WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
