mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
