forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
last night I used snow as a chaser
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
