Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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