Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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