yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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