she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
