Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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