Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize