Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
