dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
