10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
