Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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