he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
