that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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