Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
